Protocol v47.docx: Sole Author
You are the committee. You are the peer review. You are the only person who has ever opened this file.
#protocol-brain
15 doses dispensed under this indication
Currently Dispensed
Cake As Clinical Documentation
The moment a vial of bacteriostatic water enters the fridge, every household object becomes part of the protocol.
Subq or IM: The 47-Tab Dilemma
A grown man sweats through a color-coded spreadsheet trying to decide which side of his own body to stab today.
Protocol Exceeds Groceries
The 47-step morning stack is fully mapped in Notion; the fridge contains eggs and a vial of something that expired in Q2.
The Phlebotomist Didn't Ask
She wanted a yes or no on breakfast. You gave her a five-peptide morning protocol and a hand-drawn injection map.
Vows, Interrupted (Protocol Pinned)
Groom skips the vows, the eye contact, and the ceremony to recite the pinned dosing protocol from his Notes app at the altar.
The Freezer Diagram Has Everything Except The Hot Pocket
You color-coded three reconstitution cycles and a taper schedule, but the freezer-burned Hot Pocket on the door shelf remains un-annotated and immortal.
Protocol PDF > Paternity
Dad can't hear the newborn over the sound of his 47-tab injection schedule buffering on the family iPad.
Reconstitution Trumps Paternity
The vial must swirl for exactly 30 seconds. The infant will simply have to wait its turn in the protocol queue.
Therapist Discovers The Protocol
A simple 'what do you want out of life' question unravels into a chronological recitation of subcutaneous injection timing.
Priorities: Color-Coded
The spreadsheet must be updated before the child can be comforted. This is the protocol.
Pulse Window Is Non-Negotiable
House is burning, marriage is crumbling, but the 7:14 PM injection window is sacred and the timer is green.
Laminated Priorities
He didn't write vows. He wrote a protocol. In 10pt Arial. With a citation list.
Ain't Nobody Got Time For That Pulse
When the protocol spreadsheet outranks the vows and the fasted window is non-negotiable.
The Window Is The Window
Newborn screams. Wife pleads. He cannot deviate from the fasted nocturnal pulse protocol a Discord mod posted at 11pm.